Stress

Life is stressful.  Seriously I could just end it there and you all would know what I'm talking about, but then what would be the point of a blog.

Yes Life is stressful and it's killing my weight loss plan. I'm getting super annoyed by my stress level which only makes things worse. So what can I do to decrease my stress level and reach my goals and live a healthier life? No seriously I'm asking because I'm at a loss. I have school, two jobs, bills, biological clock ticking away, and being healthy. I know this stress is bad for me as it's affecting my hormones, my weight, my eating habits, my workouts, my breathing and my sleep. Having these all in place helps with my weight.  Right now I feel like I have 2 options, a) work both jobs, scrap by, have no life and have less debt or b) work one job, have less stress and more debt (if I could get a private student loan).  Hence why my stress is so high, money is always a stressful thing, especially for me. I didn't grow up having a lot of it. I've never had a lot of it, and when I've had it there has always been this immense pressure to spend it 'right'.  Having student loan debt, credit card debt and car debt is just weighing me down. I tell myself the student loan debt is worth it, though I'm not sure about that given my first round post college experience, but this time I want to be smart about it. If I don't have to take more than I need, I won't. I want to pay for my own housing, if I can and I don't want to get in over my head.

So what can we do to lower our stressor - in my case money stress

• Create a realistic budget. I create budgets constantly but they are never really realistic, there is no wiggle room for car issues or ice cream, which is a horrible way to go about it because the second something unexpected pops up your screwed.  Adding a little padding into your budget is a good idea, weather it's $20 or $200 bucks, it will lessen the load of stress because you won't be penny pinching.
• Seek Advice. My parents always struggled with money and all I ever knew was I didn't want that life but I didn't know how to have a different one. After years of trying to make it up as I went and not being successful at it, I finally started Googling how to budget, pay off debt and how to invest (haha like that ever happens).  I also started talking to my Grandparents who are the wisest people in the world and tried to get a real understanding of what it took for them to get where they are. knowing that it didn't happen over night was reassuring and that struggle is part of the game eased my mind.
• Don't expect perfection. You will screw up and it will be ok, even Teresa Gudice and Martha Stewart survived financial 'mistakes' you will too. Now obviously your won't be insider trading or mortgage fraud, but you'll miss a bill or indulge too much one month and eat pasta for the rest of the month. It's ok, make those mistakes when your young because making them when you have kids will happen too, but if you learn how to cope with them you'll set a better example than freaking out and scaring your children.
• Use cash. For non-bills I use cash. Cash keeps me on budget and makes my boundary very clear also you get to keep the change lol which I love to put in my jar and then I cash that in and put it into my savings account.
• Keep learning. I have a degree in economics, irony or ironies, and there are still things I don't know about keeping my finances in check.  That's why it's important to keep learning and keep finding the way that works for you. Sure there is a standard, Assets - Liabilities = a positive number, but how you get there is you own way. For example my sister-in-law makes everything from scratch to save money while my mother doesn't buy a whole lot of grocery's because her house is always on the move and eating out. You have to look at your life and see what works.

In keeping with my own words, does the way my life is going work for me? ..... no. It's too strict and it's stressing me out.  There is no room in the budget for me to but a cute dress or eat out, there is no room for mistakes and there is no room for fun. Clearly I need to rethink this budget of mine and how I want my life to be.

Weight loss - Ugh!

So this year I made a goal for myself to lose weight because I have a big birthday this year and I would like to start this coming decade with a big success.  The irony of course being that I am doing something huge this year already, by starting a new career and a new business. But sure lets add in some weight loss, you know the pain in every women's ass, whether it's 5lb's or 50 it's always there.  Everyone's battle with loosing weight is hard, however if you PCOS it can be even more challenging.  With PCOS your body literally fights you from loosing weight, just the slightest change in you hormone levels and your weight will creep up. I have lost weight with my PCOS, I've lost and kept off 30lb's, for 6 years now, but the next 30 has always ben a challenge. I lost an additional 27lb's a few years ago but, when I got a trainer I gained it all back in muscle. Yes muscle is good and I'm proud of it and my pant size went down. All good things but still that damn number on the scale bothers me. This leads me to my point how do I get back to loosing the weight.

When I lost the 27lb's I have to be honest I was working in a job that required a lot of walking on a daily basis and my caloric intake was like maybe 1500 calories, I had no stress or at least very little, and I was eating supper processed food. That last one I know is shocking, like very shocking. I now eat processed foods occasionally but mainly stick making my own and meal prepping. I feel healthier than ever and for the most part my body is functioning better. Obviously with food and nutrition as my passion, I stand by the importance of good food and a well balanced diet for my health and strongly recommend if for everyone.  I can't deny either options results, one made me lose weight the other made me healthier. Healthier is more important to me, for sure. I just want to find a way to do both, be healthy and lose weight.

In my journey to find a balance between the two, I started to examine other aspects of my weight loss, because I do believe that there was something more at hand. I was happy and hopeful.  My stress level's during that time were lower than it has ever been and I believed I could lose the weight.  To be honest my head is not in that place anymore. Stress is the probably the biggest opponent that I'm  facing right now and it the main issue for anyone's weight loss.  Stress increase your cortisol levels with actually makes you gain weight.  I don't know about you but when I'm stressed I eat and trust me I'm not shoving carrots in my mouth. I want cookies and sweets and did I mention cookies, deep down Cookie Monster is my spirit animal. Not only are these food comforting, a memory that ties back to your childhood taste buds, but they also further mess with my, and everyone else's,  hormones.  Then you get more stressed because you ate something bad and they cycle continues.  So eliminating stress would be ideal, but who can do that. Life is stressful, so I guess it's better to find ways to manage your stress than hoping it will all just go away. For now I'm just going to focus on the standard ways to manage stress exercise, yoga and getting a therapist.  Yeah I said it, get a therapist. Now that can be a Pinterest page, a church, a friend or a journal, for me I take the real deal.  Having that outlet is incredibly important and can help you through the stressors in your life.

I mentioned believing that you can lose the weight, it sounds ridiculous but this is something that a lot of us don't do.  When I was first diagnosed I was like "well shit I can't lose weight so why bother trying". Clearly this is not a helpful mindset and certainly didn't help me meet my goals.  Even with PCOS it's important to remember that you CAN lose weight.  Yes you CAN lose it, switching simple carbs for complex carbs, no soda and cutting out 90% of the sugar in my life was the way I lost the first 30.  This second 30 has been a bitch and that's when I discovered the word CAN. Can has never been part of my vocabulary, especially when proceeded by 'I'.  That all changed when I started to believe in myself and not just my accomplishments but my failures. It's easy to believe when your seeing results, but when your failing it's hard to see that you can still be successful. One of the hardest things I've had to learn is to see the good and success in my failures. No that not some narcissistic bull shit, that I only produce gold. It's the idea that through my failures I learn and grow. See when I gained back the 27lb's I was sooo depressed, I was mad at my trainer, myself and the world... ok it's a bit extreme but I was so irritated and hurt.  I tried saying that it was ok and that I was glad I had gained muscle but it was all bull shit. It took me almost a year in working out and lifting to see what it taught me... confidence. Now I will gladly take that 27lb's of muscle if it means I love and believe in myself more. I know I can lift now and I can see result, I walk into the gym not as some scared woman who is afraid to do box jumps in front of people but as the woman who is like fuck yeah lets add another block to the box, its something I could have never imagined having before. I'm grateful for that confidence because I needed it to get here. To the point where I can say ' I can find a way to lose the weight and keep the muscles'.

Now that we've covered the mind and body lets get to the soul. The soul to me is all about positivity and healing. It's your spirit self, it's your essences, your heart or whatever you want to call it , it's that part of you that connects to something higher/deeper and is always with you. The soul plays an interesting role in weight loss.  For myself I've found that weight has been the protector of my soul, I would eat to protect my true self from the hurtful words or deeds of others. It's my deflection, I wanted people to pay attention to my weight so they wouldn't pay attention to me. It's an odd way of hiding by making yourself bigger, but in truth how often do we see larger people and only think about their physical appearance instead of who they are as a person? I want you to really think about that, because my next question for those of you who are trying to lose weight is, what don't you want people to see? or for those of you trying to lose anything under 15lb's what don't you want to see in yourself? When your trying to lose under 15lb's the deflection of self is different, there is something going on in your life that you are not addressing and instead focusing on your weight as a means of control and management. For me answers to my question come through best while meditating and working through my own issues about loving my body for all it does and all it can do.

So what is my weight loss plan for the next couple months... after writing this it's changed a bit, but definitely for the better.

Then next couple months I'm going to focus on HAPPY:

H - Have it and Half it: don't deny yourself food you like but when you do have it half it
A - Affirmations: bring positive thoughts into your life that will help you heal and reach your goals
P - Play: do workouts that are fun and bring joy into your life, lifting not lifting whatever it is
P -  Pray: this can be meditation, yoga, quiet time, actual prayer; it's ultimately anything that quiets
                 your mind and connects you to yourself or a higher power if you believe in those     
Y - Yourself: love, believe, cherish ,whatever your word is, do it for yourself